


Minion

by solidpaz



Category: Despicable Me (Movies), Minions (2015)
Genre: Crack Treated Seriously, Minions, i handed this in for coursework and an actual examiner had to mark it, literally uploading this from months ago
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-26
Updated: 2016-07-26
Packaged: 2018-07-26 21:47:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,100
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7591600
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/solidpaz/pseuds/solidpaz
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>I thought it'd be a nice day out, a good day out. I was more than wrong.<br/>Never trust the minions.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Minion

June 26th, 2015. I grasped the hem of my coat’s collar above my mouth to stop the heat of my breath escaping. It was cold – too cold for June. Assuming it was but a slight abnormality for London, I shook it off soon enough. I swung my wrist up, eyeing the scratched and dirty face of my watch, the sun’s golden glare reflecting onto my face. 4:59 in the evening. Sighing, wistfully, I threw my arm down to my side.

Closing my eyes for a second, I opened them up to the lively streets of Paddington. The vibrant colours that spread about the people and places drew me back to my senses, remembering I hadn’t the time to mess around. Among the laughter and shouts of children, teens, adults; I heard a near Church’s five strikes, officially marking the time. I took this as a sign that I should be taking my leave, so with some hesitation, I pushed myself off the dirtied red-brick wall I was now so well acquainted with, having leaned against it for a time I’d no clue of the length.

Studying my whereabouts, I could see a large, 20-so storey building encased in shining, thick glass stood before the road I was facing. Scanning its symmetrical covering, my sight was soon drawn to the sea of racing cars below it. Red, blue, black, yellow; the blur of colours formed its own palette, the flying motors becoming their own art. I smirked under my many layers of thick clothing – that is until I saw… them. Their menacing smiles stretched across metres worth of yellow boarding. Their deep brown eyes peering into mine. The bus and its advertisement they lay upon drew close to me, halting at its stop.

My smirk sank, all coming of my mouth being a gulp. It was them. The Minions.

“They’re everywhere”, mumbling, I stared into the depths of their ensnaring yellow faces. I quickly yanked my head to its side, now looking at the path to my left. It was clear, all to see was a cracked pavement of grey. I had to go, what else could I do, stay around by that… thing? No. No!

Pushing as much force into my next stride as I could, I launched down the street. Be it an overreaction or not, I was just so fed up of those disgusting little men. Simply gazing at one was enough to make me nauseous due to their overuse in almost everything. Toys, games, movies; I could make a full list of where I see them, but sadly, it’d be longer than any book I could write.

Throwing my right foot before my left, left before right, there was no stop. Wanting to get away by being so taken aback by these devious small figures, I forgot I was meant to board the next bus at the stop. Pivoting 180 degrees back to the direction of those unfortunate beings, I ran back. I realised how rapidly my heart was racing, how hard it was to think – I’d ran even farther away than I knew. I stretched my arm out, clenching my fingers around the bus stop’s post rather dramatically. With that, I realised how much of a twat I must’ve been acting like; running away from a bus, only to run back and grasp its stop, out of breath and manic. Quickly I straightened out my stance and covered up my out of pattern breathing. I spun my head around to see several somewhat confused pedestrians about me. Most tried, rather badly, at covering up their bewilderment at me; others ignored or plainly looked right at me. One in particular, though, stuck out.  
If only I’d just ignored him and left right there.

Donning a bright yellow coat, new by the looks of it, and faded blue denim jeans, an old man glared at me. Through his thick circular glasses, I estimated his age around 60-70, but I wasn’t certain, given his balding black-to-grey crew-cut didn’t seem to match his lack of wrinkling upon his pale, almost lemon tinted, skin – looking as if it were even as soft as a child’s. His eyebrows were either too light and thin to notice, or non-existent entirely. He had an unfortunately blatant under-bite, sticking out as much as his quaint appearance in the crowd. His brown eyes blinked, forcing me back into reality.

He was staring right at me, and I to him. Either this was a love-at-first sight scenario, or just really damned awkward. I felt my cheeks heat up and I span my head and then my body to face the road to my left, embarrassed assuming it was the latter of the given potentials. Focusing on the bus sign, I repeatedly read the times – anything to distract myself. I went downwards; 4:30, 4:40, 4:50…. “Banan-a,” I heard this phrase pierce through my ears. “Baaanaa-naa!” – There it was again. This time I heard it from behind me, the direction of the elderly man.

I remembered it. That phrase. I knew it from somewhere. I knew it. Analysing the possibilities in my head, it only echoed about again. “Banaanaa-aaa!” I had to do it. I had to turn around. Clenching my gloved hands, I could feel the sweat soaking through the wool. I shuttered my eyes – tight. Rotating my right foot around, to where the old man was, I then dragged my left one there in sequence. I took a long, hard, deep breath, letting the heat escape me.  
“Baaaaaanan-aaaaa!”

At once, I ripped my eyelids open, in the direction of this aged man. What I saw here, now, was anything other than what I had expected, anything other than an old man. He wasn’t a man – he wasn’t even human. Should I really even say he? It. It was not human.

Smaller than last time, I looked at it. Its bright yellow flesh, clothed in faded blue denim overalls, reflected light right into my eyes. Its thick, circular glasses ricocheted any remaining illumination. What little hair covered its head was thin, barely worth being called that. “Banan-aa,” it spoke, softly yet with a malicious tone. Without even a second passing, my body ceased up. This is it. This is how my life ends. Not with age, not with disease, but with a Minion.

I closed my eyes. Then a gust of cold air brushed through my body, despite the many thick layers I was wearing.

“Potato.” That was the last thing I heard. The only thing I heard. Now, all I see is yellow.

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this months ago as a joke for friends cause I really REALLY am sick of minions.  
> Later, I handed it in for GCSE coursework cause I couldn't be arsed to write something and I got full marks lmao.  
> Hope you enjoyed it!!!  
> Trying to start more crackfics so if you have any ideas, hmu!!


End file.
